Late Sunday Post

So late, in fact, that it is already Monday. I seem to have this cool issue where I constantly overbook my time to the point, the only time I have to myself is at night before I go to bed. I love my busy life, and it keeps me interested and happy but I always cherish the time I have alone. I have always been a closet introvert. I love to be around people but I do recharge my batteries during my alone time.

This is something I need more of. Me time. Unfortunately this week that may not happen. I am going to have to prep lots of my lunches and breakfast meals, dinner may be a bit more difficult but as long as I get a salad with no dressing I should be okay, which I am fine with. 

I went walking along the tail near my house today and I really enjoyed it until it started raining, but I downloaded a cool app that will track any outdoor trails that I decide to do. It tells me how far, my pace and how many calories I burn.

I am excited about this new change, I have to get my score card ready because the GAME IS ON!

I weigh in tomorrow morning, and I can only weigh in on my weigh in days which is Monday morning. Should be interesting to see how this week goes, when I am really working and counting every bite I put in my mouth.

I have to spread 1200 calories between 6 meals. Ahhhh. crazy. I needed to buy a protein shake today but I don't know if that will happen till tomorrow. I want to go to whole foods too to see if I can find a few more healthy ingredients.

Tomorrow I make those tilapia tacos I promise to document them. And I may try out my new map my walk app! Cheers and Goodnight.

Fear with and a little self loathing

So a little more about me. I have been overweight most of my life, not like significantly but I feel like I have always had 10-30 pounds more weight on my frame than my friends. It also doesn't help that most of the people I hung out with growing up were sticks and possibly underweight so in comparison I seemed even bigger. And still to this day I have conversations with a girl at work who is significantly shorter and smaller than me, and her overweight weight is pretty much my goal weight. I guess everyone has body issues, I think she looks great, and she would be quick to say the same about me, but I know all my flaws without even looking.

So I guess if I could get to a place where I just felt good about myself. I know I will have to work darn hard at it, but I have done it in the past. In college I started my sophomore year at 130 and I was so happy in my skin. I worked hard over that summer and lost the freshmen 15 and then some so I know I am capable of hard work. I also know I can squeeze into a size six, which is really my goal. I know in my brain that the size doesn't matter as long as you look nice and feel healthy, but it is a mental thing I either need to accomplish work though at this point. That is what I am aiming for.

I think I have a distorted vision of my body. I never can tell how big I am compared to other people. I will think I am roughly the same size as someone and I will be told, no they are bigger than you, but I just don't see it. I feel like when I look at my arms and legs they sometimes look alright but when I look at them all together in the mirror they are much bigger. 

They say you fear the things you want most, and I have always wanted to feel thin, so maybe I am scared of it. Why though... why would I be so scared of the things I desire. Maybe I have a certain level of self loathing that won't allow it.

I went out to dinner with friends last night instead of making my tilapia tacos. I had gone to the gym long and hard and then had this moment of, I will have the entire month of April to make fish tacos... the avocados will hold another day, go enjoy yourself. So I did. Maybe my self loathing is what undermines my determination. Anyway I went and got a salad and Chicken Pad Thai.. and it was delicious. I enjoyed all that I could finish. I track my calories on my phone app and it said I still had three hundred calories ( I spent over an hour at the gym so I burned off pretty much everything I had eaten during the day) So I got a beer too. 1 bud light. and I felt SOOOOO guilty. I know I need to give up alcohol to lose weight, but I guess it was a bon voyage to the stuff. So I savored it as I won't really have an opportunity to drink another one before Monday.

I came home and in a moment of weakness I ate a 100 calorie skinny cow chocolate ice cream bar. Proof alcohol makes you make bad choices.  ( well not too bad) so I over slept this morning super late ... It was afternoon after all... and I went to the scale... and I was at 162. Go figure. I am keeping healthy today to try to maintain it, but I suppose your body wants you to have fun, in moderation.

Ah Moderation... that is going to be a lesson I have to learn over and over again I am sure.

Cute boys work at Trader Joes!

I pretty much wanted to marry the boy who rang up my items at Trader Joes last night. I am pretty sure he is paid to be that cheery to me while ringing up my avocados and and cilantro but I don't care. He had pretty eyes and I think they would look beautiful on our unborn children.

I am going to try a new recipe tonight. Cilantro Lime Tilapia Tacos. I saw it on Pinterest and I had most of the ingredients so I figured I should give something healthy a try. I am going to make them tonight after work and the gym ( Yes my work hates me and I have to work on Good Friday despite the fact that most people are still at home in bed right now) At least I get Monday off!

(they look delicious)

Calories: 319 • Fat: 12 g • Protein: 26.5 g • Carb: 33.7 g • Fiber: 9.7 g • Sugar: 3.6 g

You just heat the fish with minced garlic, then toss in the cilantro, diced tomato onion and jalapenos and serve in a warm whole wheat tortilla with some avocado on top. Two tacos is the serving size with just 1/4 cup of the mixture.

Its the avocado that sold me. I pretty much always want to eat anything with avocado.

In other news, I have gone on three highly interesting dates from Okcupid.... I am serious when I say, Boys are much more complicated than girls. Period. Well probably not, but it makes me feel better about it. I went out with one guy and he seemed really interested, I mean he hugged me at the end of the date and asked me to go out again, and was texting me before I even got home. We planned a movie date and then the night of our second date he totally blew me off. Said he had to work late till just after we were supposed to meet. He didn't try to still get together and didn't really apologize for wasting my time. He texted me the next moring but I never texted him again after that. There are plenty of fish in the sea who don't punk out 10 minutes before the second date that THEY PLANNED. On to the next....

The second date was the most boring experience of my life. The guy put no effort in. I mean literally he got my phone number, texted twice and then we had dinner and coffee in a record hour and a half. I didn't even finish my food, but getting a to go box was a better option than suffering though more of his long winded life values that he was spewing after every comment or questions I had. I felt like I was at a lecture more than a date. OHHH and he said everything with long pregnant pauses which made no sense to me, like he was trying really hard to think of words and phrases that would not offend me... which just made him sound pretentious and ignorant at the same time. 

Me: "Do you like to watch walking dead? It's my favorite show right now!"

Mr. Boring: "Well I prefer to fill my time with more goal oriented projects.... like riding my bike... or housework. I feel watching television.... is mundane.... and I feel stagnant... you know?"

Me: (In my head)* just say no, you jerk, you don't watch TV. How hard was that!!!!*

He said he would be in touch, but I was thankful that he in fact, was not.

The third date is a bit more difficult to be mad at.. in fact it went well, he was nice and we really got along. We have actually been on several more dates since the first one, but as to whether this will lead to something, I am not entirely sure. I do like him, but part of me is not really ready to commit to anyone yet. Which makes me feel terrible because I contacted him, and he seems really ready to have a girlfriend... but I can't shake the feeling that there are things in my life that I need to get right. Part of me feels like I should not be dating at all, and just focus on the current goals I have now.

I should write out all those goals.

Maybe in my next blog.

Somewhere over the McDonalds Arches....

Hello,

I am Allison... or Ali as I do often refer to myself in the third person. I am a lot of things. I am a woman. I am single, I am a cat lover and I am overweight.... gee I sound like a real winner. HAHA. seriously...keep reading.

But I am a winner. I am a hard worker, and a good person... and more determined now than ever to really make some changes in my life. I have amazing friends and family... which is really what is most important in life anyway. They support me, and I am going to put this out there into the Internet realm for Anonymous support or criticism... depending on how much I update, I am sure.

I have no idea how much I am actually going to accomplish by starting this blog, but I have to try. It is worth my health and my life. Monday April 1st 2013 I am starting a lifestyle challenge called the Game On Diet.

Part of the diet requires that I journal for at least 20 minutes a day... a reflection really, and I figured I could share my insight ( or funny stories of me falling off the treadmill at the gym) to keep people interested and to chronicle my time in pursuit of a healthy lifestyle

I have never tried this specific diet but I have tried many others. This one seems to get to the root of my problem which is my lifestyle choices, and the poor choices that I seem to have made. I fully intend to discuss other life choices other than diet. I am currently entering the dating world again ( my success is yet to be determined) and I volunteer at my church. I am constantly over-extending myself and very rarely make time for myself, I also am trying to take some strain off my monthly budget and get rid of all debt so this blog is going to be my self induced introspective time to help myself remember these goals.

I have been doing lots of research and I am seriously debating a vegetarian/vegan/vegetable forward diet to help me in my quest... which does include losing weight, but also to keep my health in tact and avoid all the medical issues that run rampant in my family. Heart Disease, Cancer, Diabetes and Obesity.  These are things I really want to avoid. I am still in transition so I fully intend to try to incorporate vegan friendly ideals into my diet, and hopefully I will stop craving meat and other products that cause harm to animals. I watched the film Vegucated and I am interested to see if I too could do that 28 day change. Since I am doing the game on diet for the month of April, I may save that challenge for another month, but it is something that is on the back burner of my brain.

I do my first official weigh in on Sunday, and start the diet on Monday. Don't tell, but I have been trying to be healthy this week and start my good habits early. I Started at 166 pounds at 5 foot 3 inches, A BMI of 29 ( which is pretty much the highest BMI you can be in the "Overweight" category before you spill into the "OBESE" category).  That being said, after Monday - Wednesday of eating healthy, drinking water, and going to the gym I am already down to 163... most of which might be water weight, but my BMI is now 28.9... which is not a huge jump, but it makes me excited. I am going to hold myself accountable. Feel free to hold me accountable too. I will try to do another post before Monday but if not I will be posting each and every day after then, so you will probably get sick of me. I may try to put up a picture or two as well.


Wish me luck, and without further ado...ahem...GAME ON KIDS!!!!