Obligation

So even though the game on diet is over, I am still going to try to keep up with this blog. I took a day off from Journals yesterday ( mostly because I was busy and had to go to have emergency dental work done when the retainer that is glued behind my teeth came unglued!) but I am still working on weight loss.

I don't suppose this blog will ever really catch on, as it is just for me, but I think I am ok with that.

I need an outlet to talk about stresses, and have some self examination. I am not obligated to the Blogworld, but I am obligated to take care of myself. I only have one body.

Final Diet weigh in 157 down from 166. Not too Shabby! Almost 10 pound in a month. I can keep this up. I can keep going. I have to. I am not happy right now, but I am happy about the positive changes that I am making in my life.

I will get there, maybe when I hit 140 I will get back on Okcupid. for now I am so busy, and tired and stressed I can't make myself do something I don't want to do. And Maybe I am meant to be alone for some time... probably for the best.

I worry though, I worry I will never get married and have a family, which is all I have ever really wanted, but I need to be with someone who can help support me, and who can take care of himself. I need a strong Christian man who is going to take leadership. I want for so many things, and I know in my heart I won't settle. I suppose if I don't have a family I will make due, but I know God would not put it in my heart if he didn't have great plans for me. I will work hard to love myself, and know He loves me... and the rest will simply have to fall into place. There is only so much I can do.

I saw the movie Yes Man, and Bruce Almighty this week.. two Hilarious Jim Carey Movies, both have specific meaning to me.

Bruce Almighty in that God Knows us, and loves us and when we follow his plan for us, good thing happen, better than what we would provide for ourselves... and Yes Man, in that being open to opportunity can make your life more full... so I am going to plug along, and go out with as many new people, and try new experiences... and try to live a more Christian existence. I won't worry, because tomorrow will have a whole new set of worries.

3 more days.

Talking with my teammate on the phone last night, she is planning to dive head first into a new diet plan. She is going to start the paleo diet. I am just not a fan of banning entire food groups, especially ones that I do on occasion enjoy. No Sugar or carbs... seems difficult to enjoy life. I feel like deprivation of any kind is bad. If you are CRAVING chocolate, no amount of meat, or veggie is going to fill that void.

I like the game on diet, because you can have a BITE of cake at the office party, and it won't kill you, but I still feel like you can eat carbs, as long as they are whole grain and you make healthy choices alongside it...

if you always eat cake in mass quantities, yes that is bad, but if you eliminate cake from your diet entirely that is going to make you splurge when the opportunity arises. You have to treat yourself now and then. I get that a healthy diet makes you feel better, but sometime just sharing time with friends at a birthday is treating your mind well.  But to know, yes I can have a bite, not a whole cake, that is healthier than , I can't have sugar, or cake that is important to me.

it's all about healthy choices at the end of the day. If you know you have a party on Saturday, do an extra long workout on Friday or Sunday. Make it a point to eat healthy prior to going to the party. Plan ahead and compensate for it in the rest of your week. I am all about striving for health, not trying for perfection.

I know me and I know I am a sucker for peer pressure, but if everyone is eating pizza, I may want a slice, but I have to keep it to one slice, and pick the healthy veggie option, maybe leave some crust on my plate, or just enjoy the whole slice and make it point to go to the gym and eat a salad for dinner that night.

I just am really not a fan of cutting out entire food groups.
There are only three more days of the diet, but I plan on continuing the route. It is healthy, It is helping and I am happy!

No Patience

I just don't give a crap today. Thats right... you heard me. I am sick of people complaining about stupid crap. I just want to tell people all the way off today. granted I won't because I need my job to pay my mortgage, but I HATE... do you hear me HATE applicants that feel it is their duty to go ABOVE my head over STUPID CRAP. STUPID CRAP.

You want to know why you have not received a letter.. BECAUSE I HAVE OVER 300 FILES and your file HAPPENS to be on the bottom, which I cannot get to because you call CONSTANTLY wasting my time wanting to know where your letter is. I am not moving your file up to make you feel special because you have anxiety issues and can't let me do my job. Not my problem. Don't like it, withdraw and apply in another state. I don't care. Don't call my boss and ask HIM why you have not heard anything, because he is going to tell me to send you an e-mail ( LIKE I ALREADY HAVE, TWICE) to tell you that I have not had time to start your file...which will waste even more of my time...further delaying me from getting to your file.
UGH

So angry today. I just want to go to the gym, and PUNCH THINGS. at least I don't want to eat things right.... stress management... Maybe I will go outside and walk for a bit to cool down.

I am already agitated because someone at work whom I have to cover for is leaving for vacation time 1 hour early today... again, someone else who likes to waste my time so I cannot do my job.

I fricken hate people.

Where is that punching bag again... oh wait... its me.

Trying something new.

So last night was my free meal on the game on diet. I went out with friends, and even though I had eaten healthy all day I still felt major guilt by going for a decadent meal.

I ended up getting Buffalo chicken pizza ( a 9 inch personal pizza) because I apparently wanted nothing more than to carbo load yesterday night, and shared a desert with my teammate. It was a Krispy kreme donut with ice cream. It was not as delicious as I had hoped, so I let my friend eat more of it. But coming home, I knew it was a bad idea, as the stomach ache set in, and I felt gross. It was late though and I didn't feel like doing a workout so I just went to bed early. I set the alarm extra early so I would get up before my normal hour, and I got on my treadmill and did over a mile. Granted it was not a fast mile, but I ran for a few minutes, walked some and then ran for a little more. I am scared to weigh myself after gorging last night, but I feel like running this morning before a shower helped me perk up a bit, and not feel so bad. I then came to work and had my healthy lunch and I will go to the gym tonight to get in some more cardio!

I read that cardio is the best way to thin out your legs and lose weight. I do add some weight training but not a lot yet as I am just trying to start this healthy lifestyle.

I also talked to my teammate and she is considering doing the paleo diet for a while. She and I have a friend who is doing it, and she is doing really well with it. Not so much for weight loss although she has lost weight, but as a lifestyle change to get more energy, without cutting calories, but it still cuts out refined carbs and sugar, which are the culprits anyway.

Not sure how I feel about trying it. I am eating whole wheat carbs and doing okay... so maybe I will consider it for a while, but for long term I don't think it sounds great.

Scavenger Hunt!

I was so nervous all day Saturday, partly because I was doing a scavenger hunt with a bunch of people I didn't know, but also because it was more of a dare challenge and I was nervous to act crazy and silly in front of people. It actually ended up not being so scary, and my team was amazing, they were all willing to do silly things, and we did come in second, but if we get the same team next year I am sure that we will win. Stephanie and I were under the misconception that you could not plan ahead, which apparently you could... so we are totally bringing it next year, and will take home a trophy!

I was pleased with my weigh in yesterday, any loss is a good loss... I am just ready to start making more progress. I am going to keep up the diet even though I am not required to. I brought my lunch today, and I am having a protein packed day! I brought Greek yogurt and a hard boiled egg for breakfast, turkey sausage leftovers and sauerkraut for lunch, and dinner will be a salad with a protein tonight. It has to be.

I am going out with Melissa, so no beer for me, but I will have My teammate there to keep me under control!

This weekend I need to get my paint on and work on my house some. I was embarrassed to have people come over. I need to clean and get things taken care of. SOON! It will be my birthday present to myself.

Sick day

I am so exhausted from going non-stop this weekend, but I did do my weigh in today, and I was at 158... Which is down 1.5 pounds from last week, which is great I am really happy with that.

I woke up this morning, and just the massive headache I had and stopped up sinuses I knew work would not happen. I just really needed to rest. I woke up, called in, fed the cat and did a few chores and the next thing I knew I had fallen asleep in front of the TV for two hours. I didn't mean to do that, but I know when I do that means I was actually really tired.

I did a short workout, but tried not to strain myself. I am absolutely loving my new running shoes.

I still need to go to the grocery store to buy some healthy groceries. The diet is over next Sunday so only one more week left, but I really want to keep losing weight so though I may add back in diet coke more than twice a week, I will certainly keep up bringing my healthy lunches, and not eating out a lot. I am really benefitting from saving money. And I want to finish painting my house for my birthday coming up.

I made a success wall that has a countdown from 159 to 120... I think right now my goal is 150 ( lose 8 more pounds) and then my goal will be 140 ( a healthy BMI). 130 was what I was in college so that might be difficult, but I have always wondered what it would be like to be 120. I can hardly imagine it. I am sure the last time I weighed that little was 6th grade.

I have wide hips, so I will always have a womanly shape and never will I be a size 0 but I can imagine what 120 would be like.... can't I?

I am only 5'3 so that is still a healthy BMI. I might be to muscular to do that, but right now I will worry only about being 150. Right now my BMI is 28. and if I was 120 my BMI would be 21. anything under 19 is too low for a BMI so I am still right in the middle.

I can do this. I am trying to stay positive and put healthy vibes out there.

Proud

Sorry I missed my update yesterday but I was not actually home at all yesterday.

 

Saturday, I got up early for Church Play rehearsal, then went straight to lunch with my family since my sister came up with her adorable family ( yeah twin nephews!) and then I headed out to Morrisville to participate in an adult scavenger hunt, which I think my team ended up in second place! It was so much fun but I did not get home until 1am and then I went straight to bed to get up for the early service today at church to watch the kids perform Its Cool in the Furnace for the Church congregation. (they also did the second service too).

 

I was just the stage manager/ kid wrangler but it was such a fun experience, and I had a blast working with the kids and getting to know them.

They did amazing at both services. I laughed and cried and I was just so proud of all of their hard work. To think that they almost missed out on the opportunity to share it with the church. I wish they had done a church play when I was younger. A few years ago they did Jonah and the Whale, and now the story of Shadrach Meshach and Abednego... these stories will never leave the kids. On top of it they got to share with the older adults, and did a great job.

 

It has been a lot of work, and now after next week my Sunday nights will be free. I know I will enjoy some spare time on Sundays, but I will miss seeing the smiles on the kids faces and getting sweet sweet hugs from them each Sunday night! I get to see them next week. I think we are having a party for them (woo cast party!) next week. Poor Trey was sad we didn't have a meeting tonight. I think the adults needed a break! haha. I felt so much joy watching how excited they were and how proud they were. It was a very mama hen moment for me. Maybe I do want kids someday... I don't know. It seems like such a crazy prospect!

 

I will write more about the scavenger hunt next time.