Obligation

So even though the game on diet is over, I am still going to try to keep up with this blog. I took a day off from Journals yesterday ( mostly because I was busy and had to go to have emergency dental work done when the retainer that is glued behind my teeth came unglued!) but I am still working on weight loss.

I don't suppose this blog will ever really catch on, as it is just for me, but I think I am ok with that.

I need an outlet to talk about stresses, and have some self examination. I am not obligated to the Blogworld, but I am obligated to take care of myself. I only have one body.

Final Diet weigh in 157 down from 166. Not too Shabby! Almost 10 pound in a month. I can keep this up. I can keep going. I have to. I am not happy right now, but I am happy about the positive changes that I am making in my life.

I will get there, maybe when I hit 140 I will get back on Okcupid. for now I am so busy, and tired and stressed I can't make myself do something I don't want to do. And Maybe I am meant to be alone for some time... probably for the best.

I worry though, I worry I will never get married and have a family, which is all I have ever really wanted, but I need to be with someone who can help support me, and who can take care of himself. I need a strong Christian man who is going to take leadership. I want for so many things, and I know in my heart I won't settle. I suppose if I don't have a family I will make due, but I know God would not put it in my heart if he didn't have great plans for me. I will work hard to love myself, and know He loves me... and the rest will simply have to fall into place. There is only so much I can do.

I saw the movie Yes Man, and Bruce Almighty this week.. two Hilarious Jim Carey Movies, both have specific meaning to me.

Bruce Almighty in that God Knows us, and loves us and when we follow his plan for us, good thing happen, better than what we would provide for ourselves... and Yes Man, in that being open to opportunity can make your life more full... so I am going to plug along, and go out with as many new people, and try new experiences... and try to live a more Christian existence. I won't worry, because tomorrow will have a whole new set of worries.